My biggest fear has always been that I wind up somehow being conscious for eternity. Like that I die, wind up in heaven or hell or wherever and I remain "me" and just never shut off, having to endure being conscious and aware and believe you me, nothing is wonderful enough or horrible enough to engage me for that long, i.e. eternity.
The idea that I could effectively hit my own consciousness kill switch as needed has always allured me.
Socrates says as he did in Phaedrus, that people make themselves appear ridiculous when they are trying to know obscure things before they know themselves. Plato also alluded to the fact that understanding 'thyself,' would have a greater yielded factor of understanding the nature of a human being.
So how do we know that we have reached higher attainment of Occult prowess? Is it because we can make things disappear and reappear? Is it because we can concoct all kinds of potions and spells? Is it because we can summon demons or talk to the dead? Maybe its because we can see glimpses of the future or read people like open books?
Let me tell you, I am capable of all this and much more... but my true attainment in the occult world was derived when I became aware of the people around me instead of just looking straight through them, I saw the world for what it was not for what society wanted it to be.
I obtained freedom from the chains that bound me to this life, realized that I was not of this world but rather on it for a relatively short period of time. I understood that materialism was in itself a cage, that happiness could not be bought, that to be spiritual was not some cliche or fad but a way of life.
Yes, the occult does require you to take risks .... to cross bridges you would have rather not have had too, to reach down into the darkest crevices of your soul and challenge your mind to the brink of insanity. And along the route, you will feel euphoric and suicidal in equal measure. Your metal will be tested beyond imagination, your resolve will be questioned, your resilience put into doubt .... but and I repeat but, if you manage to emerge on the other side, you will see a different world ...you will have transcended the matrix and you are now, what I class as, truly magical.
Many so-called Occultists might challenge this version of facts, but not many of them will have had to scrape the pits of hell as I had too. They are but cotton candy occultists... no real occultist has ever traveled the path and come out unscathed! Did I sell my soul, that is disputable in its entirety! !But if you ask me did I ever feel like I had lost it? To that I would have to reply; Far too many times for my liking!
Ii-wy em Hotep - Patrick Gaffiero
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